Bad Practice:
Parents think that they need to give a child unconditional acceptance, therefore everything a child do is all right.
Good Practice:
Child need boundaries. When you must reprimand your child, do so in a loving manner. Don't ever try to degrade or humiliate him. His ego is a precious thing worth preserving. Try saying: "I love you very much but I will not have the kind behavior. Do you know why I won't tolerate that? Simply because you are too bright to behave that way."
Affective conflict - Me attacking you as a person.
Cognitive conflict - Having an argument about an idea.
Focus on a behaviour, not the person.Affective conflict focus on person and therefore we try to avoid such.Cognitive conflict is focusing on behavior therefore we seek for such.
When we focus on a person the person does not hear us anymore. He shuts down and become defensive. When we focus on the behavior than he is listening to what we have to say for the feedback. When we focus on a person we really cannot know that. Psychologist do even make this claims.When we focus on a behavior than its objective. We can see the problems in the real world.
Child brings bad report card.
Bad Practice (focus on person):
Oh, you're so stupid.
Good Practice (focus on behavior):
You're capable of more if you'll work harder.
Child brings good report card.
Bad practice (focus on person):
You are wonderful, terrific and great. (child imidiatly thinks: When I will not bring good report card that means that I'm not wonderful?)
Good practice (focus on behavior):
You put a lot of work in it you deserve it.
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